How is a person supposed to think let alone create with the non stop banging!!!!!

  To explain my weird ass post title, I am having my roof replaced and the noise is about to drive me more crazy than I already am. My yard looks like a fucking tornado zipped through it and there's about one guy short of making a new Menudo group on my roof. Lord I will be glad when this is done today. I haven't posted on here since June and it seems like a year ago. I have been in a funk and feeling less than inspired to spew any of my normal bullshit so I decided to take a break from the blogging world. I finally decided to drag my ass to the computer and catch up on all the blogs I follow and make an attempt at completing a new post. So....here I am in all my boring, self wallowing, bitchy glory. Whoopedy doo.

  So my summer was extremely uneventful as if I thought it would not be. I spent my days refereeing my heathens, cleaning up after them and feeding their faces day in and day out. I never realized how much these damn kids can consume in a 24 hour period. Its absolutely astounding. I'm quite surprised that they aren't as big around as they are tall, very surprised. It was these past few months of being home 24/7 with the heathens that made it crystal clear as to why I got the surgery to ensure that I would not spew forth any more children from my girly bits. I have been depressed about it for over three years and it only took three short months to make me feel great about the decision to do it. Babies are so sweet but toddlers and elementary aged children are definitely not! Especially when they try to kill each other on a daily basis. Oh how I long for the times before they could walk and talk.

  As if the two small crazy people already living in our house weren't enough, we now we have a three month old Blue and Gold Macaw named Nico. He is learning to talk and is quite the little character. He hears me tell the kids no so often that he has picked that up as well. He can say six words already and I was informed that he can learn up to 300-400. I cant even begin to imagine what he is going to learn in this house. He is going to be a feathered cussing machine. He is very mischievous and gets into trouble on the reg. My husband has him so spoiled already. God hes such a little shit.

Now on to more boring topics. As I stated above I have been in a wicked nasty funk lately. I don't know why or where the fuck it came from. It just appeared and I do not like. I just have no motivation to do shit period. I mean I used to get up and fix my hair, put on something cute in attempts to look moderately hot which I achieved quite well. Now I'm just in a state of don't give a shit. My hair doesn't sway freely it stays in a pony tail and to be honest, I look a hot mess and it sucks ass. If I am aware of it I'm sure my husband is none too pleased as well. I mean I probably would be a little taken aback if he was to walk around everyday looking like a walking pile of shit. So I don't fault him for it.

I have decided that I am starting to feel suffocated sitting at home all the time. Normal people would just take a girls night out or something like that but I am at a point in my life where the number of girl friends that I have is almost non existent. I don't know about anyone else but I feel as if I am completely losing myself. I'm a wife and mom but there's no me anymore. Beyond taking heathen #1 to school and back, caring for heathen #2 all day, going to the grocery store, cooking and housework I have no life in regards to myself anymore and it finally hit me and it is absofuckinglutely sucky. The even shittier part about it is, theres not a damn thing I can do about it. On one hand I feel half empty because of it and on the other hand I feel like a selfish pos for thinking that my children aren't enough to keep me happy, fulfilled or however you might explain that. I love staying home with my kids but I also enjoy talking to people, socializing etc. I was born that way and know no different. It is in my make up and for me not to be able to express myself or have a little fun now and then is quite foreign to a person with my personality type. I can go a whole week without talking to a single person other than my husband, kids and father in law. Yeah its that bad. I now talk to the damn bird and surprisingly enough he talks back.

My only me joy, not mom or wife joy is after the kids go to bed and I get to watch whatever bullshit I have recorded on the DVR. Sounds pretty pathetic huh? Well it feels even more pathetic. And to make all things more shitty....The Cowboys have been losing! That also makes me a feel like a walking pile of shit. I hate when they disappoint me. I am super excited that the Rangers have been kicking the shit out of the Yankees though. That we all should be thankful for.

What a light and lovely post today huh?

Until next time :)

Being a mother

  I have not been posting near as often as I used to and it is a little upsetting since I get so much joy from it. However one thing that I get indescribable amounts of joy from is my children and last night as I was putting my three year old to bed it hit me like a ton of bricks, she has grown up so much and so fast that I didn't even realize it. It truly hit me that my children are growing up. My son is going to second grade next year and is HUGE and every time I try to remember him as a baby it seems as if the memories move farther and farther away from me. When I stop and think about my children and when they were born it shoots a paralyzing amount of pain through me because those are times I can never get back. Times that were absolutely the most dear to me that I wish I could relive them a billion times over. I never in my life imagined that loving someone could be so painful. Not painful in a bad way but a good pain. Like the feeling that your heart is so full it could burst. Yeah, that kind of pain.

 When I think about the memories that are most precious to me I think of the first time I saw an ultrasound picture of my babies and how excited I was to meet them and thinking how wonderful they were going to be and to feel them grow was such an amazing feeling. There has never been a moment in my life that has left a mark on my heart like the feeling I had when my husband handed me our babies for the first time or the first night at home with them by myself and just remembering looking at them for hours with the most permanent smile on my face or touching their baby soft skin or the smell, the smell of a newborn is forever etched in my brain. Hearing the first cries and the first outing to show them off to anyone that would look. And the horrible fear that pulsated through me every time they were sick or rushed to an emergency room. The frightening panic and anger that ran through me as I lashed out at the person who caused my child pain and a terrifying ambulance ride after an avoidable car crash just because he wanted to drive fast. The feeling of loss of control of the situation and not knowing if the most precious part of my life was going to be OK. And wanting to cause unspeakable amounts of pain to the person responsible if something had happened. At that moment you realize that your child is the most precious thing on this planet and you will happily do anything to protect them with every part of you. That is a mother. Being a mother is the most difficult and fulfilling job there is, Period! They test us, push us to our limits of insanity, wow us and fill our hearts with unmeasured amounts of love and joy.

 When I became a mother it made me realize why my mother would be in hysterics when I would arrive home late after curfew or didn't call when I was out. At the time I didn't understand what the big deal was but now....now I realize it was because the one thing that she was designed to protect was out of sight and nowhere to be found until I pranced my jolly ass in the front door and in shock as to why I would be in such trouble. She was never mad, just worried and what I mistook as anger was in one word....fear. Sorry mom, I understand now :)

 Mothers Day is almost here and it is a day that I really enjoy. Not just for myself but for my mother, grandmothers and every other mother out there. As I think about how fast the time is passing it makes me realize how precious time really is. How we only get such a small amount of it with these special little people and most of the time we take it for granted. Our daily struggles, stress, work, money and relationships always seem to find a way of pulling us away from what is truly the most important things that life has given us. Not the 9-5 jobs we hurry to everyday, the money that we fight over and all the other really non important things that have become so important to us all. I realized that every time I tell the kids I'm too busy to play or read a book or go to the park that I am wasting precious time. Time that I will NEVER get back and neither will my children. Things that are non important to us, mean the world to our children and always will. 

   I will never have to question why I was put on this earth because the moment I became a mom to my children I knew why I was here. To raise, love and cherish two of the most beautiful people ever created. They love us unconditionally with all of our faults no matter how big they are and all they want in return, is the same. For some reason I was picked to be the mom to two of the most amazing kids and going forward I make the choice not to waste any more time and I hope none of you do either. I hope all of you have a wonderful mothers day. I know I will :)

Until next time.......

Wow what a weekend!

Well I had quite the busy weekend people. I got myself tattooed on Friday night and had a really fun time with friends Saturday night. And boy did I regret Saturday nights festivities early Sunday morning. I probably will regret spilling the beans about my shenanigans later but come along on this journey with me anyway.......We went to a bar with some friends to hang out and have a few drinks and those Lemon drop shots juts kept a callin my name. And I answered, a few too many times. I normally have a strict policy of a two to three drink maximum if we go out as to make sure that I conduct myself in a ladylike manner which has worked well for me for many years but I ignored said policy Saturday night, which I deeply regret. I did not act like an ass or embarrass myself while out mingling with the public folk. I waited to do so until I got home at 1:30 in the am. I was OK leaving our place of fun and even in my transportation device on the way home, which by the way I was not operating. But as soon as I passed the threshold of my front door........I bolted to the ladies room like I had a rocket strapped to my ass. And I puked....HARD! and alot. Basically until 3am when I finally decided to Crawl up my stairs into my other bathroom then on to the what I called the ginormous place of sleep or bed if you will. Now during the puke fest my 19 year old brother and almost 13 year old niece were in absolute hysterics during my painful ordeal. I did not care for this at all and I do vaguely remember telling my brother that I hated him as well as the puppy. Why I did this I have no clue and on my journey up the stairs I informed everyone that my boobs were cold. Why? I have no clue as to this either because I was completely clothed during all of this. My niece thought that was hilarious and I made sure to remind her that this is what would happen to her if she drinks so please learn from my indiscretion and don't ever do it. I was told the next day that I was telling everyone that I was never drinking again, that I was sorry about a million times and that I hated my friend Amy because she got me drunk, which she did not. Sorry Amy :) I am now very anxiously waiting to see the many pictures that were taken at the place of fun from Saturday. I don't remember taking half of them so there is no telling what is on that camera. Probably pretty scary but we shall see. My pain continued through Sunday and I was a lazy pathetic piece of crap the entire day. So basically an entire day gone down the shitter. So as of now I never want to drink again :)

Now Friday....I went and got my much awaited tattoo of greatness. My bestie Andrea and I made a pact to get a tattoo together which we DID NOT! Thank you Andrea. We had to get them separately. I got mine Friday and she got hers Sunday. I got this tattoo on the back of my neck which hurt like a bitch. Which to this day is still sore to the touch and I have a little difficulty moving my neck from left to right. It looks great though and I am very happy with it. Andrea, not so much. She hates hers because it didn't turn out like she had hoped and unfortunately it is pretty freaking permanent. So that sucks the big one. I'm happy though. Thank you Cody, the owner of Bonehead Tattoo in Fort Worth Tx on Hwy 80. You sir rock!

Well until next time.........

Im moving to Mexico!

This was the lovely ship I took my journey on.

The Carnival Ecstasy. And yes it was pure Ecstasy :)

So I arrived home from my wicked awesome vacation and I must say that I had an amazing time. The weather in Mexico was beautiful, much better than it was here in Fort Worth from what I heard. It snowed here, he he. I managed to get a tan and a little bit of a sunburn in Cozumel. People here have looked at me odd like "where the hell did you come from lady" you know, due to my golden goddess status. I missed my children but I did not want to come home. There was a small part of me that was hoping I wouldn't make the pass through customs. Eh well, I did and I'm home so fuck it. I have decided that I will be booking another cruise for this summer and I will be traveling somewhere different for this journey. I shall be going to Montego Bay Jamaica, Cayman Islands and Cozumel. Woo hoo! I'm counting the days until August. Tropical Paradise here I come!

So this vacation I went on.......I ate my weight in food on this cruise and by the time formal night got there, my dressofawesome was so awesomely snug. Yeah it was really uncomfortable but it still looked super cute though. It hurts to be pretty mama says, and so it did. Cozumel offered such amazing Pina Coladas and a many I drank. I went snorkeling, rode jet skis in the ocean, oh yeah and I was nearly crapping my bikini the whole time thinking I was going to fall off and get taken under by some sort of ocean life. Luckily for all of you :) I did not and it was a hell of a time. I also got the pleasure of riding a huge banana raft also in the middle of the ocean, you know like the one on that frightening scene in Jaws? Again my terror level was at a CODE BROWN. All I was thinking was "oh shit balls I'm gonna get eaten alive by a fucking shark!" I knew the odds of that happening were slim to none but frightening none the less. I rode a kayak, combed the beach for seashells for Maddie and took pictures under water of beautiful and colorful fishies. It was in one word, amazing.

The entertainment on the ship was hilarious. Everyone packed the Starlight lounge every night for Karaoke and not for the singing but Jay the Karaoke host. He was a hilariously gay Asian man. He was the reason I attended every night. The stand up comedians were also pretty damn funny as well. I also had a super time gambling in the casino. I have two new favorite card games, Three card poker and Caribbean Stud, noooo ladies I did not have fun with a Caribbean stud. Its just the name of the card game :) Also a shout out to the lovely little lady that took care of my room everyday who left me such cute little towel animals. You rock my face off!! And to Ilham my waiter every night, you sir can work a pole like none other. For all you dirty minds out there, he was quite the entertainer at dinner. Who would have thought your waiter would serve you bread, drinks and do a little racy dancing lol. Love ya Ilham. Well my midgets are running around like fools so I must cut this short.

Oh yeah and ladies.....this is what I got to travel with....Yes ma'am. This was my Caribbean stud :)

My stud to the right and my pal Mickis stud to the left, the Jeffster.

This is Micki after a "Few" Pina Coladas :)

I will add some more pictures when I get some free time. Until next time.......

Friday Confessional

http://glamazonmormonmom.blogspot.com/




Its Friday and time to confess some of the unecessary shit that I have since last confession. Go visit Glamazons blog, grab her snazzy button and play along. Time to confess and ask for forgiveness ladies :) Here it goes.....

• I procrastinated on printing out our cruise documents and by the time I logged on to do it, they had locked the booking and I couldnt print them out. Mother Fucker!
• I packed about 20 items of clothing to much.
• I didnt get half the things done today that I wanted to. Well shit!

thats about it lol.

Bon Voyage turds!!!

Until next Friday......

Countdown to cruise time baby!!

So I leave for my cruise Saturday morning and I must admit that I am so fucking excited!!! Gone for six days on a lovely cruise ship. Viva la Mexico!!! It just cant get here soon enough but I have so much shit to do and not enough time to do all the shit. I still have to finish packing and do the final check to make sure that I haven't forgotten anything which I most likely will fucking do. But I know I will so I accept it and I'm prepared. I bought the dressofawesome that I previously posted about and it is just that, Absofuckinglutely oozing with awesome. When I wear it I feel as if I could shit diamonds people. Yeah, its that badass. If you don't have some sort of a dazzling dress, buy one! Don't think about it, just buy one. After this cruise I'm gonna get my monies worth and clean house in it like the fabulous bitch that I am, or more realistically feel like in the dressofawesome. Fucking, eh!
I also must make sure that everything is in order for my kiddos for the week which is a job on its own. I must admit I am going to miss the little shits while I am gone. I am fairly certain that when I return home it will be trashed and look as if it should be condemned. So that will make all those warm and fuzzy feelings go right in the shitter when I see what I will be cleaning up the next day. This goes back to me previously stating that they are absofuckinglutelynuts. If they attempt the crazy shit that they do when I am home I don't even want to imagine the crazy shit that will go on when I am gone for six days. I cant even fucking imagine. It is probably best for my sanity if I don't try to imagine it. Then you add the new puppy into the mix with it and that my friends is a recipe for disaster of epic proportions. I just hope that I come back to my home in one piece. Say many prayers for me blogging buddies. I'm gonna need them.
On a side note I found a super lady on MBC that's going to revamp this here blog. Its gonna look fanfuckingtastic when shes done. Not 100% sure what I want exactly but it is sure to be fabulous at the very least. So Ive got that going for me :)

Until next time.....

Im so excited today!

Brittney over at Mommywood nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award. It feels so nice to receive it so thank you Snooks ;). You can grab her button at the right of my page. Her blog is a delight to read everyday so give her visit. You wont be sorry :)

Ok, heres how the award works....

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the award and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Share 7 interesting things about yourself.

5. Nominate 7 additional beautiful bloggers.

Alright so 7 interesting things about me.

• I love to read and write. They are my outlet and a great source of R&R.


• I love music and all kinds. Give me something with a great beat and I will shake it lol.


• Im an animal lover to a fault. I will try and save anything with fur. I worked at an emergency animal hospital for a long time and it was truly the best time of my life. It was a very rewarding job. I brought home so many creatures home to nurse to health. My hubby hated it lol.


• I am addicted to buying shoes, handbags and bras and panties. Seriously I need a support group for this. You can never pass up a cute pair of shoes or bra :)


• I have a tendency to speak my mind a little too often. Some consider it a good thing. Some not.


• I love reality T.V. I know I know its stupid but I cant help it.


• I love this blog and all of the great people who follow it and leave me such amazing comments. Thank you fellow bloggers :) You rock my face off!!

And now here are 7 beautiful bloggers that rock my world. I love reading their posts and always enjoy them. Hope you enjoy too :)

Brittney http://brittneymclain.blogspot.com/

Annette http://www.fairyblogmotherblog.com/

Karolle http://www.whymomdrinksrum.net/

Julie http://farberfam.blogspot.com/

Andrea http://www.findingfairytales.blogspot.com/

Tanis http://theredneckmommy.com/

Kristen http://motherhooduncensored.typepad.com/

Life from a pups perspective.....

Well I don't even know where to start here. In the past 24 hours my life has changed dramatically and I don't care for it too much. The humans I forced myself to tolerate for the past six weeks are nowhere to be found and some other human lady took me so I'm just confused. I think she stole me and I'm not sure how I am going to get back home. She had me in this mobile device for what seemed like an eternity yesterday and as she made her getaway and crossed the Arkansas state line she made these horrible noises and movements to other loud noises that blared from the mobile device. If she only knew how silly she looked. There was also a smaller human in the back who never shut up. I have a feeling shes going to be a problem. The human stopped somewhere and got some sort of food which smelled great and I really just wanted her to give me a bite but she wouldn't. She kept telling me it would hurt my tummy. Man if she only knew some of the things that I have eaten. It smelled so good, I think this was some sort of torture tactic. She abducted me and is torturing me now but I just don't know what kind of information she is wanting to get out of me. I don't know anything. Maybe when she figures this out she will release me. God I can only hope!

She stopped a few times and gave good effort to get me to pee but I didn't comply. I got her back for the torture incident earlier in the day and peed in her cup holder. She didn't seem to like this at all. I tried to sleep so I could pass some time but the smaller human in the back made that almost impossible due to all the noise she makes. Again, shes gonna be a problem. We finally arrived at our destination and she took me inside. I was pretty terrified due to all the torture I endured on the way here. I was sure there was something worse waiting for me inside. As soon as we walked in my fears went away for a minute at least and I peed on the floor. Again she didn't seem to like this so I will have to remember to do this frequently. Maybe if I do this enough she will release me. Its worth a shot at least. There were more humans there, one small and one big. They were males though so that eased my mind a little bit. They seemed to be nice enough. They petted me and kissed me, ALOT. They kept telling me how cute I was which I already knew. They fed me and gave me a nice bed to take a nap which was much needed.

When I woke up it was a little more pleasant but I was in search for my brothers and sisters also my mommy but they were nowhere to be found. This made me so sad so I cried alot. I miss them so much. The lady human took me outside to use the bathroom and I didn't want to give her a hard time for once so I obeyed and peed outside this time. She was happy. She likes to hug me alot which feels nice but god humans smell awful. And they say I need a bath, I think not! If they try this I will have to put up a pretty big fight. I met one of my kind at the humans home next door. It was a bitch named Chloe and she seemed pretty nice. She told me her human was nice and that she was also stolen so there seems to be a pattern of this around here. Back in the house everything is really nice but so big. I cant find my way around this place without getting tired and having to take a break. Its going to take days to search the whole place but there is one spot I am going to stay away from. The human said they are stairs but I think they might take me into another dimension if I travel up them so I might wait on that.

It was bedtime for the humans but not for me. I made sure that I made alot of noise so they would stay awake and not leave me. Finally the lady let me lay in something very warm and inviting which she called a bed. It was ALOT bigger and nicer than mine. She let me snuggle with her. She might not be so bad after all. I will keep you all updated on how this plays out. I still don't trust her yet :) Also on a side note, the male human snores louder than I do.

Sincerely,

Chuy aka little nugget

I don't know why the hell they call me this.

Ahhh...to be a princess

So today was a superfantastic day. I gave myself a pedicure with my wicked awesome foot spa and went shopping. But not just normal everyday shopping. I was in search of a magical dress for our cruise that I will add I am leaving for next Saturday :) We have a formal night and I was in need of a dress that would dazzle everyone and well to be honest...make me look hawt! Did I find this dress? Oh you bet your ass I did and only after trying on about 20 of them. I tried on that many mostly for the fun of it and so I could feel fabulous for a day. Not that I don't feel fabulous every other day but this is a different kind of fabulous. This is the feeling of pure magic as soon as I slid each dress over my head. When I looked in the mirror its like angels were singing and the more expensive they were the better they felt. Seriously! I could have just lived in them forever. I can clean and do laundry in a long dazzling gown....cant I? Ehh fuck it sure I can. So as soon as I slid on that last dress it was like magic. Its like it told me...."Niki....buy me...I make your ass look great...your boobs reach for the sky....you need me...". So there it was..my dazzling dress. I just wanted to walk my fabulous ass right out of that store and into the mall for the world to see. Did I do it? hell no lol. But I thought about it. Ahhh to be a princess for a day.....

Until next time...

Friday Confessional

I had a good week so I didn't have much to rant about in Fuck it Friday so we are having a confessional tonight. Got this idea from Mommywood and Glamazon. You can grab their buttons on the top of my page. So get to it! Its confession time....

I stayed in my jammies for the better part of the past two days due to all the white shit that god coughed up yesterday.

I ate the last Oreo and lied to my kids about it.

I told my son and Nicholas I didn't care if they played Xbox live just so I could get on the computer and write in this here blog.

I bought an English bulldog puppy yesterday. He is precious and I cant wait to see the wrinkly little guy this week. He comes from the good ole state of Arkansas. I love him...HARD! Check him out in all his handsomeness :)

I have lived for nine o'clock all week just so I could get some rest and relaxation without the midgets running around like mental patients. Before I become a mental patient.

I told my three year old that her favorite cartoon wasn't on earlier so I could watch General Hospital on the DVR. I know, I'm a piece of shit. And if you are asking, yes I am ashamed of myself. Would I do it again? In a freaking heartbeat. I can only take so much Team Umizoomi and Fresh Beat Band in one day.

Me in all my Fucktard-ery left the carton of milk on the counter again for what must have been a couple of hours. It pisses me off to no end when I do this.

Now I know I didn't commit horrible acts-o-sin here but a confessions a confession. Right?

WORD!

Fellow Twirds....

As some of you know, I am a Twird AKA a Twilight nerd. I just found out that New Moon is coming out on DVD in March!!!! And.......if that wasn't exciting enough for you, they are releasing an Ultimate Fan DVD. Due to the fact that I am an ultimate fan, I will be purchasing this. I love these movies.....HARD!!! I am like a teenage girl again when it comes to them, seriously. My 12 year old niece and I already have a date to see Eclipse when it comes out at midnight on June 20th for our birthdays. I cant fucking wait. I wish I could be put into a temporary coma until it comes out. Hmmm I should check into this. But anyhoo... I have already read all four books in the saga and I am about to have to start reading Eclipse again. You know, just to get ready for the movie. God I am such a dork. Later Twirds.

Until next time......

What's with all this white shit??

I woke up this morning and was pleasantly surprised by how beautiful it was outside. Due to the fact that I live in the South AKA the pit of hell, I don't get the privilege of seeing snow very often so I was excited. By the time I woke up at 7am there was already a couple of inches on the ground and it was still coming down. The drive to my sons school just a couple of blocks away was pretty entertaining and even more so when I picked him up from school. By evening time there was easily over 5 inches of snow outside. I have never seen this much snow in one day in all my 29 years. It truly is breathtaking and even more of a treat to see all of the kids in the neighborhood outside having snowball fights and making snowmen just so they can beat the shit out of them when they are done. This is something I have only seen in movies and on the news when there is snow in other parts of the US. Not Texas, EVER!! We went outside for a good hour and played in the snow and took lots of pictures because you never know when this is going to happen again. I was so excited to experience all the snow today that I decided to share some of our fun with all of you.. Enjoy :)

Post it up Tuesday!!!

So this is the first time doing this here and I got the idea from Snooks AKA Brittney ;) at Mommywood. Its a super cute idea and nothing but randomness but thats the fun part. You should scoop up Supahmommys button at the top of my page. Trust me, its worth it.

I give Post it Note Tuesday...

Three fist pumps!! For those of you out there who dont get that, tune in to MTV's Jersey Shore. Pure entertainment.

That is all.....

Holy Hell the Saints won!!!!!

My excitement level is pretty high at the moment fellow bloggers. Drew Brees and the Saints played a balsy game-o-football tonight. I wasnt even remotely interested in the Superbowl since my beloved Cowboys weren't partaking in the Superbowl fun but I sure am happy for Drew and the city of New Orleans. That is one of my favorite places to visit during February and I bet it is all kinds of crazy there tonight. This is their first Superbowl title so that is pretty freaking awesome! I like Peyton Manning but the Saints win was well deserved. Who Dat!

Fuck it Friday!!!!!

Its that time again blogging world.....oh yes it is. Time for me to let all my fuck its that I have held in out for the week. Oh how I long for this day. I can happily say that lately I haven't had too many "fuck it" moments but this week is deserving of a few I guess. So here goes.....

First on my list for the week is the lovely lady at the tanning salon who is solely responsible for the burning of my flesh. Yes lady you know who you are. My one request from now on is....if you are responsible for managing contraptions that "tan" ones skin, please "manage" said contraptions responsibly and bitch about your horrible Wal-Mart haircut on your own time. If I wasn't the sweet person that I am, and I laugh while saying that. I would kick your ass for letting me "tan" in such an extreme way the other day. I am still in pain due to this small oversight on your part. So fuck you tanning lady! Just sayin........

Second on my list is Discount Tire for putting the wrong tires on my transportation device. I went to a lovely establishment called Goodyear yesterday and they inspected my car and checked to see where the horribly annoying vibration was coming from on my Cadi. Well... apparently Discount Tire put the wrong damn tires on my car which is causing a vibration now I need new tires and my front end aligned. So....what do I do you ask? I called discount tire while at Goodyear and ask them, hey! What up with that? And the little shit who quite frankly in my opinion should never be allowed to converse with the public while at work tells me.. "well ma'am, it doesn't matter what "kind" of tire you have on your car it only matters what size the tire is. The brand wont make it vibrate". Are you fucking kidding me??? I know that!!! Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I don't understand the concept of brand vs size you little asshole. I continued to "nicely" tell him...."I don't give a shit what brand of tire you put on my car all I am concerned with is the fact that you put the incorrect speed rating on my car. You know....it should have been a 98H and you put a 97T on it! " Little bit of a difference wouldn't you say? And what does he tell me? "Oh... I wasn't aware that you would know what that was ma'am". I swear to everything holy if I could have kicked his ass with my mind I would have done it at that moment and not given it a second thought. So conclusion to that story is....I get new tires for free and I bet that little shithead never underestimates the mind of a woman again :)

Third on my list is the little round hispanic lady at the Redbox rental Tuesday night. Let me set the scene for you.... There are two Redbox contraptions next to one another, little round hispanic lady is working over one of them with two of her midgets next to her and another one of her midgets is working over the other one all while three people are waiting to return DVD's, myself being one of them. We are all trying our best to wait patiently while they mess with these things and spout out many things in a language I do not understand. Not once does this lady tell her kid to leave the contraption alone and let other people use it since he is just touching the screen with an obvious randomness with his greasy little mitts. This is a huge problem for me in itself due to my germaphobia issues. So what do I do while I am standing there like a retard? I check the time on my cellular device to start counting how long this shit would go on. Are you ready for this?? NINE minutes!!!!! The machine she was using crapped out 3 movies for her and she probably doesn't even know what she rented and when she was done the little turd working over the other one just walks off right along with her. Did she say oh I'm sorry? Of course not. Blatant disrespect for other people just irritates the shit out of me. So there is nine minutes of my life that I will never get back. I'm going on 30 and that little shit has a long life of working over Redbox contraptions left ahead of him. A little unjust don't you think?

And last but certainly not least...... To kids. Kids who bicker and argue over stupid shit that will never amount to anything. I.E. who likes the color purple more. Yes this was a 20 minute argument in my home three days ago that led to assault on one child from another. There is nothing in me that understands why a disagreement about the color purple could end in assault. Also, who loves the cartoon Max and Ruby more. Again.... resulted in assault and mom one step closer to weaving baskets in the nuthouse. What did I say to them regarding the cartoon incident? "Who gives a shit which one of you likes it more than the other?" It is broadcast for everyone to enjoy not just one of you so shut it and quit arguing about stupid shit". Also to my little angel Madeline who was banned from using a fork for one meal. Yes I said it! I took her fork away from her. Did I mention that it was the THIRD one that I bestowed her with during said meal? Yeah...apparently the first two forks I gave her were not to her liking so she bitched about every damn one of them til finally I said "OK if you don't like any of these forks you can try and use your hand and see how that works out for you". Did she bitch about the fork I gave her after that? Absolutely not. HA! That's one victory for mom!

Wrap up for the week....

I'm burnt

Discount Tire hires retards....one of which I owe an ass kicking to

Little hispanic ladies have no respect for others precious time

And my kids are absofuckinglutely nuts!

Until next time.....

Lobster anyone?

So I am going on a Cruise on February 20th to Mexico and I have been tanning for a couple of weeks now to "prepare" to look hotter for my trip lol. Well last night I went to tan and they sent me to a "super" bed, which I did not know was a "super" bed until after I was done. The lovely lady at the tanning salon was so caught up in her conversation with another lady there that she set the timer for 20 minutes in said super bed instead of the 15 that I jotted down on the sign in sheet. There lies her first mistake, second one was not informing me that it was a "super" bed.

So here goes......I got in and got comfy as I normally do and continued to drift off to sleep, yeah it was a tiring day. I then awoke to the loud noise as the contraption shut off, and it was then that I already felt the tingling sensation that would later be my burnt flesh. I got out and as I saw myself I thought, oh shit! This might not be good because I was a little red which I never get. I have always tanned very well so I thought that was odd. As I was leaving the lady at the desk said "did you like that bed Hun?" I then said to her "well yeah I guess but you set the timer for an extra five minutes so my ass probably isn't going to appreciate that later". She just laughed like I had told her a funny joke or something but I was serious.

Today, my ass as well as every other part of my body most definitely does not appreciate it. I look like a damn lobster!! And I hurt just as bad. I have never gotten so red in a tanning bed before in my life. So....note to self, do not go in bed 11 ever again and always check that the

R-Tard that works the desk sets the timer for the time that YOU put on the sign in sheet! Well that is all for now. Me and my burnt ass are going to pout now.

Until next time......

Kitchen Crazy......

Again.....it has been a while since my last post. Sorry :( I have been sick, my son has been sick. So it has been a little nuts around my casa. I am still in the process of deciding on the color scheme for my kitchen. I have decided on the cabinets but not the countertops and flooring. Thats a whole nother ballgame right there. As if that was not enough, I am getting hardwood floors put in our family/kids playroom. Lots of construction in my future. I have gotten alot of comments regarding the kitchen so yes, I will definetely post some before and after pictures so I can get some feedback from all of you. Unfortunately this is a short post today but I will try to post my F*** it Friday this week.

Until next time....

Its been a while....

So I finally have found some time to get on here and write. I have had one sick little dood on my hands for the past week and the cord on my craptop decided to die so I cant charge it. Lovely huh? The past week has been pretty uneventful, well pretty boring actually. I have stayed at home with Mr. Sicky, cleaned etc. So this is destined to be a pretty lame post. I didnt even have anything worthy of a Fuck It Friday post and for myself, that is odd at best.

So.........

I am going to revamp my kitchen pretty soon and at the moment I'm trying to figure out how I want to do it, colors etc. This probably is the most frustrating part of the process because I am very indecisive at times. I absolutely LOVE redecorating things so I am pretty excited even though its driving me nuts. I love a good project! I'm sure there will be posts in the near future of how pissed off said project is making me though. I guess that is all part of the experience, right?

Well like I told you....Super lame post today.

Until next time.......

Monkeys and McDongaloids

So today has been pretty uneventful. Well about as uneventful as it can get watching two three year olds and my sick seven year old. They have been at each others throats all day and the only thing that I could bribe them with to get them to bring peace back into the house was McDongaloids as my son calls it. To me, it is worth the ten bucks for happy meals to restore peace and order. So I told them, consider it done! You see who has the upper hand here, THEY DO! Not what I prefer but hey, it worked none the less.

So yesterday I injured myself while I was cleaning. I smashed my foot into the leg of our couch and I think I broke my toe. As I did this a shot of pain raced through me like I have never felt before and I have endured a broken nose, twice and childbirth with not so much as a freaking Tylenol but this did me in. It hurts so bad and I have the bruises to prove it. I have been hobbling around all day. And to make matters worse, the little people reneged on our deal. They have went back to acting like heathens. I should have known better though. It just seemed sketchy when they agreed to the deal I laid out earlier. They were way too convincing. I wont fall for that one again. No more McDongaloids for the Monkeys!

I know this was a lame post but that's all Ive got so far.

Until next time.......

Oh what a day...............

Well I wish I had something cheery to write about today but unfortunately I do not. I watched in horror as the Cowboy's lost today and that set the course for a crappy day. It really stinks that they have had such a great season and the mere fact that it ended so horribly is unsettling at best. There is always next season though.

So......this morning I woke up ready to do some cleaning before company came over for the big game and I was in the zone. I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. I had forgotten that I had ran out of Cascade for the dishwasher so being the genius that I thought I was, I decided to put a "few" drops about the size of a quarter of dawn dish washing liquid in the dish washing device. After doing so, I washed my hands and gazed into the empty sink in delight and a few moments later I noticed the 4 foot wide pile of suds moving across my clean kitchen floor. I immediately went into panic mode! How the hell was I going to clean all this up? And how the hell did those "few" drops of soap produce such a mass quantity of suds on my floor? I felt like a genius no more. I then felt like a complete idiot. I frantically cleaned the mess up with towels and ran the dripping rags to the laundry room before they could drip onto the white carpet. How the hell do I get myself into these situations I thought to myself. After about twenty minutes I got it all cleaned up and made a mental note to self "Never, ever under any circumstances put dish washing liquid into dish washing device". Sounds funny huh? I shall not make that mistake again. Chalk that up to lesson learned!

So then as if that wasn't a dumb enough idea, I decided to give my gynormous German Shepherd puppy a bath. It was lovely outside today so I decided to do it there instead of the large garden tub upstairs. He was not happy with this idea and the fact that he can yank me across the yard without much effort did not work in my favor. After the chore was done he was wet, and I was soaked. He smelled good and I ended up smelling like a wet dog. Pretty ironic huh? He has been pissed at me all day by the way.

Then us and our friends that came over to watch the game decided to go out to dinner. We all decided on some Mexican food at El Fenix, mmmm. We get there and wait forever to get drinks, 45 minutes to get food and when we finally leave we walk outside, tell everyone bye and as I went to put my little monkey Maddie in the car I was sent into an immediate feeling of rage. Someone had keyed the side of my Cadillac! And not just a little scratch, it went down the entire passenger side of my car. I could not believe it. I didn't hit their car, scratch it, Nada so I could not find any reason as to why some asshole would do this. Now I have to get an estimate as to how much it will cost to repair it, and pay a $500.00 deductible so Ive got that to look forward to. Pretty expensive dinner and it wasn't even that good. Well not $550.00 good at least. I am still pissed as I write this. I just wish I could have had the joy of walking out as the culprit keyed my transportation device. It would not have been pretty. At least if I could have beat the shit out of them, I would have gotten some justice.
So....yeah it was a super day to say the least. Hopefully this week is better.

Until next time..............

Fuck it Friday!!!!!

Well it is that time again and I have been waiting for this post all week. So beware...

Oh yeah and I apologize ahead of time :)

I only have a couple of gripes this week. Mainly my children, who would have thought huh? OK, so I was prepared for anything when we started trying to have kids but man I wasn't prepared for the chaos that has erupted in my home over the past couple of months. It is like I have transformed into a full time referee for these two heathens. They never fucking quit, NEVER! They scream, fight, pick at and assault each other every fucking second of the day. My anxiety is in full force right now and I am at a very high level of pisstivity. I know I know... they are just children, that's what siblings do people say. Oooooohhhhh well excuse the hell out of me for thinking that these two are absofuckinglutely crazy at times. Mainly all of the time. So what if they are siblings? as their parental unit it irritates the shit out of me by about the 8th hour in the day of them doing this shit. Period! I birthed them, one of them with no pain meds by the way so that gives me full reign to bitch about them from time to time. But I love them more than life itself so don't take this post the wrong way people :)

Next on the agenda for Fuck it Friday!!!
The carpool lane at my sons elementary school. I hate it....hard! You'd better be ready to dedicate about 40 minutes of your day to picking up your child from this school. No exaggerations here. I have to get there 25 minutes before he gets out and I sit there with my thumb up my ass for 15 minutes after he gets out until he skips his jolly little ass to the car. In between those times I have to entertain the three year old in the back. I will add that this is no easy task. The school needs a better procedure for picking these little turds up everyday because THIS is not fucking working people.

Also....I say fuck it to crazy people!!!
I'm not going to name a name here but there is this guy that me and a group of my long time friends know that is a total fucking whack job and that my friends is putting it really lightly. He is 32, lives with his parents, works as one of those little "I put the carts up for lazy people" at Target and to top that off, has never had a girlfriend. He is super sheltered and well.....nuttier than a squirrel turd. He has turrets syndrome and that I am not making fun of, I think hes bipolar and a bit delusional. He has shunned me and my husband for the past 7 years because we didn't take him to a Halloween party even though we didn't know we were supposed to. But anyhoo......I got off track. My friend called him a few weeks ago while we were all out just to see what he was up to and this sent him into a crazy rampage. He called her husbands job and told them that they were harassing him! Can you fucking believe that?? We also found out from one of our friends that he still apparently talks to that he purchased a machine gun!!! I mean holyshitballs!!
I was never friends with this guy but he was an acquaintance and it just knocked me back a bit to hear that because I know that he is in fact a looney toon. How does one in fact become so crazy? I say to this guy......Take some medication mm'kay. That's just plain scary.

And to you Steven from Carnival Cruise lines.......You sir are a grade A retard!
I talked with you for over two weeks regarding my cruise before we finalized everything and you had the balls to book me on the wrong fucking cruise! And then try to blame me.......ME for you not paying attention. I think not sir, I think not. I wish just once that someone in customer service would actually pay attention to the person that they are supposed to be "serving". Is that so much to fucking ask? Really? Especially when I'm spending a grand with the company you work for. You sir can suck it!!

And last but certainly not least....
Fuck Men!!
I love men but hate them at the same time! My dad has pissed me off and so did my husband. Not today but it was during the week so it is deserving of this weekly post.

And Steven from Carnival Cruise lines don't think that you are forgotten in this post....ooohhh nnnoooo! You are ranked number one on my shit list this week sir. Number 1.

Aahhh that was refreshing. I hope I wasn't too offensive today. Oh who the hell am I trying to fool? No I'm not :)

Until next time............

Things I freaking Love!!!

So I have noticed that a lot of my posts consist of me bitching about one thing or another. I am turning a new leaf... for this post anyway. I have alot of blogs that I read on a regular basis and 99.9% of them are super humorous and very inventive. I am going to put forth a ridonkulous amount of effort to try and not bitch ALL of the time and post some upbeat shit every now and then. Feel free to leave some comments and let me know what you think. Everyone probably thinks the bitching is more entertaining though. I know I do :)


The Things I Freaking Love and not necessarily in this order.

Cupcakes - I love em, no matter the size, color, flavor. Bring em on and keep em coming.

Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream - It is like crack to me.

Baby Wipes - I happen to think they are the best invention since sliced bread...Just Sayin.

Cherry Coke - Again...Something else that is like crack. I cant get enough.

Crack - I'm just fucking with you :)

This here Blog - It provides me with a place to think out loud, cuss, and give my opinion wether it is needed or appropriate. Oh yeah...and to bitch.

General Hospital - I DVR that shit everyday. Don't judge me.

Mexican food - Viva La Mexico!!!!!

High heels - They are in a way... empowering. And did I mention Hawt?

The mother of all inventions...The Microwave!

Lemon Drop Shots - Shout out to Micki and Amy. Whattup!

Tylenol - This comes after the Lemon Drop Shots..He he.

Clorox wipes

Hand sanitizer - Without this, I could not get through the day.

Lint rollers - I am in fact addicted to these little things because my clothing attracts everything but boys and money. Screw you fuzz!

Chili Cheese Dogs

Cheese Burgers

OK Yeah I like cheese. Sue me.

Lip Gloss - I'm not a fan of lipstick so this is the perfect compromise for me.

Reality T.V - I f'ing love it. Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives of O.C. and N.J, And my new fave Jersey Shore. It is Hilarious! No matter the show Ill watch it. Stupid yes, do I care? No! I have no logical explanation as to why I watch this shit. So I don't even try to justify.


Netflix

Wal-Mart - For all things necessary. And not.

Seven Jeans - They are fab and they make your butt look equally as fabulous.

My DVR - I could not and would not live without it.

Twilight - Shout out to all my fellow Twirds. Whattup!!



Chocolate - Mans greatest accomplishment to date.

Songs that bring back great memories

Writing

Reading - Its therapeutic

Going out to eat

My friends - I don't have many but the ones I have are the shiznit.

My kiddos - They are by far my best accomplishment :)

All of you - Just for reading :)

Post up some of your faves. Or not lol.

It's just a little lie....Right??

So I was thinking earlier about my lack of motivation or just not caring I guess. People ask me questions lately and I just react, respond like it is second nature or something. I think I let things just go in one ear and out the other and respond before I even know what I am responding to. Alright alright, its horrible I know. But at least I'm honest about it, right? I came up with a list of things that I normally "fib" about. They are not big things but a lie none the less... So here goes.

"Sure I would love to play hide and seek with you"

"I am happy to iron your clothes"

"I have no problem taking you ALL the way home from from class tonight" *Shout out to my Bro*

"I'm going to Wal-Mart, be right back" * Wal-Mart trips are never quick nor cheap, husbands beware*

"I am happy to help"

"Its great to see you"

"I'm too tired" *Ladies you know what I'm talking about*

"I have a headache" *Please see above*

"That looks great on you" *9 times out of 10 it doesn't but it is not in good taste to say otherwise*

"What an adorable child" *When the child is not adorable, comment on the outfit*

"I would love to" *Definitely a lie because there is only a couple of things I really LOVE to do and it probably isn't something someone is going to ask me to do*

"Its fine" * Usually say this to a man, and they usually know its not really fine*

"I'm fine" * This usually comes after he didn't realize that I didn't really mean its fine*

" Ill be ready in 10 minutes" * I'm never ready in 10 minutes*

"No I'm not mad"

"It was on sale"

"Oh its OK, my kids do that too"

"Mmm this tastes great"

"I don't understand what your talking about"

"Sorry I missed your call"

So that is a list of things that I lie about. Its not the best thing to do but sometimes it is in the other persons best interest. Now its your turn. Post up some of the things you "fib"about. :)



Niki

Monkeying Around

Today was a super busy day. I babysat today and it went quite well. The little guy is the same age as my Madeline and he was the best company for her. I completely understand why she has been acting up so much lately. She was just bored! She was so good today which was a complete change from the past couple of months. I just needed to add another little monkey to the zoo lol. They played house, served me many fake meals and the little guy already put it out there and let Maddie know he loved her. So all in all, I would say the day was a success.

As far as this here blog goes, I really need to revamp this thing. The whole look and layout of it is boring me. The unfortunate thing is that I have no clue how to create a button, or change it to a three column layout or make a wicked awesome header. It really stinks people. So if anyone has some tips for me or makes buttons, hit me up.

Well I know this was a lame post today but thats all Ive got. Im sure something humerous will happen to me by tomorrow evening and I will obviously share it with all of you. Later Homies....


Until next time......

My little Madeline's birthday was on the 3rd and I will admit that I am pretty sad. She has grown up so much in the past three years. Its like it is so hard to remember her being a baby and I wish I could remember so badly. She is my youngest child and will be my last so I cant help but feel a little heartbroken that she is growing up so quickly. She is potty trained now and hasn't used her pacifier in over a week. She truly is a big girl now. I cant even describe how proud I am of my little monkey. She is so incredibly smart, very opinionated and such a sweet little girl. I will be honest and admit that she can be quite a little turd at times but I could not love her more. I am sad that she is getting so big but I also cant wait to see what an amazing girl she is going to grow to be. So Happy Birthday sweet girl. Mommy loves you :)

Holy Shit!!!!!!!

I am too excited to write a long post right now but I had to write this.... The Cowboy's rock your f'ing face off!!! They won their playoff game and the Eagles got their asses handed to them Texas style. I am at a very high level of excited right now. And you Donovan Mcnabb can suck it sir! That is all.....

God Bless :)

Fuck it Friday's!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so here is the first post of the Fuck It Friday's. This is just my weekly rant about all the things that have rubbed me the wrong way during the week. I will give a disclaimer however, if you have a weak stomach, don't like opinionated individuals or disapprove of a foul mouth than this is not the post for you. I'm just fucking with you, if you don't like foul mouths I apologize. It is just my opinion that they enhance a sentence but hey, you know what opinions are like and they all stink so whatever. Read at your own risk and feel free to leave me some saucy comments :) Here goes.

95% of this week I have felt like shit! I have had headache after headache, a sore throat, a very unattractive cough and have blown out and coughed up some of what I think has to be the nastiest shit on the planet. At the same time this is going on, I have to care for my two wild animals, AKA children. As if I didn't feel shitty enough I had these two going at it like they were battling it out in the UFC octagon just minus a little blood. They know just how to piss me off at the most inopportune times. But hey its all part of the experience right? I love those two little turds :)

To top all of that, I lost my drivers license which I addressed in a previous post and I had the joy of going to the DMV this morning. That my friends is a cesspool of disgusting right there. I woke up feeling like shit but I at least put forth some effort to make myself look presentable, did others? Fuck no! I don't understand how people can go out in public looking like they just climbed out of a damn dumpster. Its called a mirror people!! Just sayin... Also to add to that, please people please, take your midgets to the doctor if they are sick. Maybe buy an antibiotic or two, and if you insist on taking the poor little things out in public, WIPE THEIR DAMN NOSES!!!! They walk around smearing snot on anything that will sit still and we wonder why the Swine flu spread across the planet so fucking fast!

I also got another bonus today, I got the extra pleasure of going to the good ole Social Security office to get myself a new social security card because for some strange reason I fucked around for three years and didn't change my last name after I got hitched. Yeah I said it, three years. Don't judge me I know I'm an R-Tard. Again I sat for over 45 minutes in a germ infested room just applying the hand sanitizer and thinking to myself, shit I just started to feel a little better and look where the hell I'm sitting right now. Smart idea? I think not. And a little shout out to the chubby lady who took advantage of my stupidity and directed me to the wrong window so she could snag the number before me. My hat is off to you chubby lady. Well played ma'am, well played. I shall not be fooled by that type of trickery again. I should have known she was up to no good. She just looked sketchy to me.

And last but not least.
Fuck you traffic!!!!!!!!
I took my kids to Grapevine Mills Mall this evening to meet Keith Brooking who plays for the Dallas Cowboy's and get his autograph and I got stuck in the shittiest traffic jam ever. Not once, not twice, even three times. FOUR damn times!!! I hate Grapevine and I hate the Mid Cities. Why any semi-intelligent person would choose to live or work in this area is beyond me. It fucking sucks. You could drive through the mid cities at two o'clock in the damn morning and you can damn well bet that you are going to sit in fucking traffic for 45 minutes. And I'm not being dramatic, that's the damn truth.

Oh yeah I forgot one thing,
For all of you turds out there that got tickets to the playoff game at Cowboy's stadium tomorrow,
Fuck You!!!! I'm jealous and I don't mind saying so. God saving for a cruise sucks!!!!

Until next time.....