Wednesday, October 20, 2010

How is a person supposed to think let alone create with the non stop banging!!!!!

  To explain my weird ass post title, I am having my roof replaced and the noise is about to drive me more crazy than I already am. My yard looks like a fucking tornado zipped through it and there's about one guy short of making a new Menudo group on my roof. Lord I will be glad when this is done today. I haven't posted on here since June and it seems like a year ago. I have been in a funk and feeling less than inspired to spew any of my normal bullshit so I decided to take a break from the blogging world. I finally decided to drag my ass to the computer and catch up on all the blogs I follow and make an attempt at completing a new post. I am in all my boring, self wallowing, bitchy glory. Whoopedy doo.

  So my summer was extremely uneventful as if I thought it would not be. I spent my days refereeing my heathens, cleaning up after them and feeding their faces day in and day out. I never realized how much these damn kids can consume in a 24 hour period. Its absolutely astounding. I'm quite surprised that they aren't as big around as they are tall, very surprised. It was these past few months of being home 24/7 with the heathens that made it crystal clear as to why I got the surgery to ensure that I would not spew forth any more children from my girly bits. I have been depressed about it for over three years and it only took three short months to make me feel great about the decision to do it. Babies are so sweet but toddlers and elementary aged children are definitely not! Especially when they try to kill each other on a daily basis. Oh how I long for the times before they could walk and talk.

  As if the two small crazy people already living in our house weren't enough, we now we have a three month old Blue and Gold Macaw named Nico. He is learning to talk and is quite the little character. He hears me tell the kids no so often that he has picked that up as well. He can say six words already and I was informed that he can learn up to 300-400. I cant even begin to imagine what he is going to learn in this house. He is going to be a feathered cussing machine. He is very mischievous and gets into trouble on the reg. My husband has him so spoiled already. God hes such a little shit.

Now on to more boring topics. As I stated above I have been in a wicked nasty funk lately. I don't know why or where the fuck it came from. It just appeared and I do not like. I just have no motivation to do shit period. I mean I used to get up and fix my hair, put on something cute in attempts to look moderately hot which I achieved quite well. Now I'm just in a state of don't give a shit. My hair doesn't sway freely it stays in a pony tail and to be honest, I look a hot mess and it sucks ass. If I am aware of it I'm sure my husband is none too pleased as well. I mean I probably would be a little taken aback if he was to walk around everyday looking like a walking pile of shit. So I don't fault him for it.

I have decided that I am starting to feel suffocated sitting at home all the time. Normal people would just take a girls night out or something like that but I am at a point in my life where the number of girl friends that I have is almost non existent. I don't know about anyone else but I feel as if I am completely losing myself. I'm a wife and mom but there's no me anymore. Beyond taking heathen #1 to school and back, caring for heathen #2 all day, going to the grocery store, cooking and housework I have no life in regards to myself anymore and it finally hit me and it is absofuckinglutely sucky. The even shittier part about it is, theres not a damn thing I can do about it. On one hand I feel half empty because of it and on the other hand I feel like a selfish pos for thinking that my children aren't enough to keep me happy, fulfilled or however you might explain that. I love staying home with my kids but I also enjoy talking to people, socializing etc. I was born that way and know no different. It is in my make up and for me not to be able to express myself or have a little fun now and then is quite foreign to a person with my personality type. I can go a whole week without talking to a single person other than my husband, kids and father in law. Yeah its that bad. I now talk to the damn bird and surprisingly enough he talks back.

My only me joy, not mom or wife joy is after the kids go to bed and I get to watch whatever bullshit I have recorded on the DVR. Sounds pretty pathetic huh? Well it feels even more pathetic. And to make all things more shitty....The Cowboys have been losing! That also makes me a feel like a walking pile of shit. I hate when they disappoint me. I am super excited that the Rangers have been kicking the shit out of the Yankees though. That we all should be thankful for.

What a light and lovely post today huh?
Until next time :)


Brittney said...

i completely feel you its so easy to get lost in the roles of mom and wife and kinda neglect ourselves. I felt like that for a very long time, and at times I still do. i posted the other day Im just fuckin bored! I need some excitement to make me feel more like me rather than a walking cook, chauffeur, maid, etc.

That bird is uber cute! I hope you find some fulfillment honey and it was good to get an update from yah

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