Monday, January 25, 2010

Its been a while....

So I finally have found some time to get on here and write. I have had one sick little dood on my hands for the past week and the cord on my craptop decided to die so I cant charge it. Lovely huh? The past week has been pretty uneventful, well pretty boring actually. I have stayed at home with Mr. Sicky, cleaned etc. So this is destined to be a pretty lame post. I didnt even have anything worthy of a Fuck It Friday post and for myself, that is odd at best.
I am going to revamp my kitchen pretty soon and at the moment I'm trying to figure out how I want to do it, colors etc. This probably is the most frustrating part of the process because I am very indecisive at times. I absolutely LOVE redecorating things so I am pretty excited even though its driving me nuts. I love a good project! I'm sure there will be posts in the near future of how pissed off said project is making me though. I guess that is all part of the experience, right?
Well like I told you....Super lame post today.
Until next time.......

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Monkeys and McDongaloids

So today has been pretty uneventful. Well about as uneventful as it can get watching two three year olds and my sick seven year old. They have been at each others throats all day and the only thing that I could bribe them with to get them to bring peace back into the house was McDongaloids as my son calls it. To me, it is worth the ten bucks for happy meals to restore peace and order. So I told them, consider it done! You see who has the upper hand here, THEY DO! Not what I prefer but hey, it worked none the less.
So yesterday I injured myself while I was cleaning. I smashed my foot into the leg of our couch and I think I broke my toe. As I did this a shot of pain raced through me like I have never felt before and I have endured a broken nose, twice and childbirth with not so much as a freaking Tylenol but this did me in. It hurts so bad and I have the bruises to prove it. I have been hobbling around all day. And to make matters worse, the little people reneged on our deal. They have went back to acting like heathens. I should have known better though. It just seemed sketchy when they agreed to the deal I laid out earlier. They were way too convincing. I wont fall for that one again. No more McDongaloids for the Monkeys!
I know this was a lame post but that's all Ive got so far.
Until next time.......

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Oh what a day...............

Well I wish I had something cheery to write about today but unfortunately I do not. I watched in horror as the Cowboy's lost today and that set the course for a crappy day. It really stinks that they have had such a great season and the mere fact that it ended so horribly is unsettling at best. There is always next season though.

So......this morning I woke up ready to do some cleaning before company came over for the big game and I was in the zone. I cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. I had forgotten that I had ran out of Cascade for the dishwasher so being the genius that I thought I was, I decided to put a "few" drops about the size of a quarter of dawn dish washing liquid in the dish washing device. After doing so, I washed my hands and gazed into the empty sink in delight and a few moments later I noticed the 4 foot wide pile of suds moving across my clean kitchen floor. I immediately went into panic mode! How the hell was I going to clean all this up? And how the hell did those "few" drops of soap produce such a mass quantity of suds on my floor? I felt like a genius no more. I then felt like a complete idiot. I frantically cleaned the mess up with towels and ran the dripping rags to the laundry room before they could drip onto the white carpet. How the hell do I get myself into these situations I thought to myself. After about twenty minutes I got it all cleaned up and made a mental note to self "Never, ever under any circumstances put dish washing liquid into dish washing device". Sounds funny huh? I shall not make that mistake again. Chalk that up to lesson learned!

So then as if that wasn't a dumb enough idea, I decided to give my gynormous German Shepherd puppy a bath. It was lovely outside today so I decided to do it there instead of the large garden tub upstairs. He was not happy with this idea and the fact that he can yank me across the yard without much effort did not work in my favor. After the chore was done he was wet, and I was soaked. He smelled good and I ended up smelling like a wet dog. Pretty ironic huh? He has been pissed at me all day by the way.

Then us and our friends that came over to watch the game decided to go out to dinner. We all decided on some Mexican food at El Fenix, mmmm. We get there and wait forever to get drinks, 45 minutes to get food and when we finally leave we walk outside, tell everyone bye and as I went to put my little monkey Maddie in the car I was sent into an immediate feeling of rage. Someone had keyed the side of my Cadillac! And not just a little scratch, it went down the entire passenger side of my car. I could not believe it. I didn't hit their car, scratch it, Nada so I could not find any reason as to why some asshole would do this. Now I have to get an estimate as to how much it will cost to repair it, and pay a $500.00 deductible so Ive got that to look forward to. Pretty expensive dinner and it wasn't even that good. Well not $550.00 good at least. I am still pissed as I write this. I just wish I could have had the joy of walking out as the culprit keyed my transportation device. It would not have been pretty. At least if I could have beat the shit out of them, I would have gotten some justice.
So....yeah it was a super day to say the least. Hopefully this week is better.

Until next time..............

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fuck it Friday!!!!!

Well it is that time again and I have been waiting for this post all week. So beware...

Oh yeah and I apologize ahead of time :)

I only have a couple of gripes this week. Mainly my children, who would have thought huh? OK, so I was prepared for anything when we started trying to have kids but man I wasn't prepared for the chaos that has erupted in my home over the past couple of months. It is like I have transformed into a full time referee for these two heathens. They never fucking quit, NEVER! They scream, fight, pick at and assault each other every fucking second of the day. My anxiety is in full force right now and I am at a very high level of pisstivity. I know I know... they are just children, that's what siblings do people say. Oooooohhhhh well excuse the hell out of me for thinking that these two are absofuckinglutely crazy at times. Mainly all of the time. So what if they are siblings? as their parental unit it irritates the shit out of me by about the 8th hour in the day of them doing this shit. Period! I birthed them, one of them with no pain meds by the way so that gives me full reign to bitch about them from time to time. But I love them more than life itself so don't take this post the wrong way people :)

Next on the agenda for Fuck it Friday!!!
The carpool lane at my sons elementary school. I hate it....hard! You'd better be ready to dedicate about 40 minutes of your day to picking up your child from this school. No exaggerations here. I have to get there 25 minutes before he gets out and I sit there with my thumb up my ass for 15 minutes after he gets out until he skips his jolly little ass to the car. In between those times I have to entertain the three year old in the back. I will add that this is no easy task. The school needs a better procedure for picking these little turds up everyday because THIS is not fucking working people.

Also....I say fuck it to crazy people!!!
I'm not going to name a name here but there is this guy that me and a group of my long time friends know that is a total fucking whack job and that my friends is putting it really lightly. He is 32, lives with his parents, works as one of those little "I put the carts up for lazy people" at Target and to top that off, has never had a girlfriend. He is super sheltered and well.....nuttier than a squirrel turd. He has turrets syndrome and that I am not making fun of, I think hes bipolar and a bit delusional. He has shunned me and my husband for the past 7 years because we didn't take him to a Halloween party even though we didn't know we were supposed to. But anyhoo......I got off track. My friend called him a few weeks ago while we were all out just to see what he was up to and this sent him into a crazy rampage. He called her husbands job and told them that they were harassing him! Can you fucking believe that?? We also found out from one of our friends that he still apparently talks to that he purchased a machine gun!!! I mean holyshitballs!!
I was never friends with this guy but he was an acquaintance and it just knocked me back a bit to hear that because I know that he is in fact a looney toon. How does one in fact become so crazy? I say to this guy......Take some medication mm'kay. That's just plain scary.

And to you Steven from Carnival Cruise lines.......You sir are a grade A retard!
I talked with you for over two weeks regarding my cruise before we finalized everything and you had the balls to book me on the wrong fucking cruise! And then try to blame me.......ME for you not paying attention. I think not sir, I think not. I wish just once that someone in customer service would actually pay attention to the person that they are supposed to be "serving". Is that so much to fucking ask? Really? Especially when I'm spending a grand with the company you work for. You sir can suck it!!

And last but certainly not least....
Fuck Men!!
I love men but hate them at the same time! My dad has pissed me off and so did my husband. Not today but it was during the week so it is deserving of this weekly post.
And Steven from Carnival Cruise lines don't think that you are forgotten in this post....ooohhh nnnoooo! You are ranked number one on my shit list this week sir. Number 1.

Aahhh that was refreshing. I hope I wasn't too offensive today. Oh who the hell am I trying to fool? No I'm not :)

Until next time............

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Things I freaking Love!!!

So I have noticed that a lot of my posts consist of me bitching about one thing or another. I am turning a new leaf... for this post anyway. I have alot of blogs that I read on a regular basis and 99.9% of them are super humorous and very inventive. I am going to put forth a ridonkulous amount of effort to try and not bitch ALL of the time and post some upbeat shit every now and then. Feel free to leave some comments and let me know what you think. Everyone probably thinks the bitching is more entertaining though. I know I do :)

The Things I Freaking Love and not necessarily in this order.

Cupcakes - I love em, no matter the size, color, flavor. Bring em on and keep em coming.

Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream - It is like crack to me.

Baby Wipes - I happen to think they are the best invention since sliced bread...Just Sayin.

Cherry Coke - Again...Something else that is like crack. I cant get enough.

Crack - I'm just fucking with you :)

This here Blog - It provides me with a place to think out loud, cuss, and give my opinion wether it is needed or appropriate. Oh yeah...and to bitch.

General Hospital - I DVR that shit everyday. Don't judge me.

Mexican food - Viva La Mexico!!!!!

High heels - They are in a way... empowering. And did I mention Hawt?

The mother of all inventions...The Microwave!

Lemon Drop Shots - Shout out to Micki and Amy. Whattup!

Tylenol - This comes after the Lemon Drop Shots..He he.

Clorox wipes

Hand sanitizer - Without this, I could not get through the day.

Lint rollers - I am in fact addicted to these little things because my clothing attracts everything but boys and money. Screw you fuzz!

Chili Cheese Dogs

Cheese Burgers

OK Yeah I like cheese. Sue me.

Lip Gloss - I'm not a fan of lipstick so this is the perfect compromise for me.

Reality T.V - I f'ing love it. Keeping up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives of O.C. and N.J, And my new fave Jersey Shore. It is Hilarious! No matter the show Ill watch it. Stupid yes, do I care? No! I have no logical explanation as to why I watch this shit. So I don't even try to justify.


Wal-Mart - For all things necessary. And not.

Seven Jeans - They are fab and they make your butt look equally as fabulous.

My DVR - I could not and would not live without it.

Twilight - Shout out to all my fellow Twirds. Whattup!!

Chocolate - Mans greatest accomplishment to date.

Songs that bring back great memories


Reading - Its therapeutic

Going out to eat

My friends - I don't have many but the ones I have are the shiznit.

My kiddos - They are by far my best accomplishment :)

All of you - Just for reading :)

Post up some of your faves. Or not lol.

It's just a little lie....Right??

So I was thinking earlier about my lack of motivation or just not caring I guess. People ask me questions lately and I just react, respond like it is second nature or something. I think I let things just go in one ear and out the other and respond before I even know what I am responding to. Alright alright, its horrible I know. But at least I'm honest about it, right? I came up with a list of things that I normally "fib" about. They are not big things but a lie none the less... So here goes.

"Sure I would love to play hide and seek with you"

"I am happy to iron your clothes"

"I have no problem taking you ALL the way home from from class tonight" *Shout out to my Bro*

"I'm going to Wal-Mart, be right back" * Wal-Mart trips are never quick nor cheap, husbands beware*

"I am happy to help"

"Its great to see you"

"I'm too tired" *Ladies you know what I'm talking about*

"I have a headache" *Please see above*

"That looks great on you" *9 times out of 10 it doesn't but it is not in good taste to say otherwise*

"What an adorable child" *When the child is not adorable, comment on the outfit*

"I would love to" *Definitely a lie because there is only a couple of things I really LOVE to do and it probably isn't something someone is going to ask me to do*

"Its fine" * Usually say this to a man, and they usually know its not really fine*

"I'm fine" * This usually comes after he didn't realize that I didn't really mean its fine*

" Ill be ready in 10 minutes" * I'm never ready in 10 minutes*

"No I'm not mad"

"It was on sale"

"Oh its OK, my kids do that too"

"Mmm this tastes great"

"I don't understand what your talking about"

"Sorry I missed your call"

So that is a list of things that I lie about. Its not the best thing to do but sometimes it is in the other persons best interest. Now its your turn. Post up some of the things you "fib"about. :)


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Monkeying Around

Today was a super busy day. I babysat today and it went quite well. The little guy is the same age as my Madeline and he was the best company for her. I completely understand why she has been acting up so much lately. She was just bored! She was so good today which was a complete change from the past couple of months. I just needed to add another little monkey to the zoo lol. They played house, served me many fake meals and the little guy already put it out there and let Maddie know he loved her. So all in all, I would say the day was a success.

As far as this here blog goes, I really need to revamp this thing. The whole look and layout of it is boring me. The unfortunate thing is that I have no clue how to create a button, or change it to a three column layout or make a wicked awesome header. It really stinks people. So if anyone has some tips for me or makes buttons, hit me up.

Well I know this was a lame post today but thats all Ive got. Im sure something humerous will happen to me by tomorrow evening and I will obviously share it with all of you. Later Homies....

Until next time......

Monday, January 11, 2010

My little Madeline's birthday was on the 3rd and I will admit that I am pretty sad. She has grown up so much in the past three years. Its like it is so hard to remember her being a baby and I wish I could remember so badly. She is my youngest child and will be my last so I cant help but feel a little heartbroken that she is growing up so quickly. She is potty trained now and hasn't used her pacifier in over a week. She truly is a big girl now. I cant even describe how proud I am of my little monkey. She is so incredibly smart, very opinionated and such a sweet little girl. I will be honest and admit that she can be quite a little turd at times but I could not love her more. I am sad that she is getting so big but I also cant wait to see what an amazing girl she is going to grow to be. So Happy Birthday sweet girl. Mommy loves you :)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Holy Shit!!!!!!!

I am too excited to write a long post right now but I had to write this.... The Cowboy's rock your f'ing face off!!! They won their playoff game and the Eagles got their asses handed to them Texas style. I am at a very high level of excited right now. And you Donovan Mcnabb can suck it sir! That is all.....

God Bless :)

Friday, January 8, 2010

Fuck it Friday's!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so here is the first post of the Fuck It Friday's. This is just my weekly rant about all the things that have rubbed me the wrong way during the week. I will give a disclaimer however, if you have a weak stomach, don't like opinionated individuals or disapprove of a foul mouth than this is not the post for you. I'm just fucking with you, if you don't like foul mouths I apologize. It is just my opinion that they enhance a sentence but hey, you know what opinions are like and they all stink so whatever. Read at your own risk and feel free to leave me some saucy comments :) Here goes.

95% of this week I have felt like shit! I have had headache after headache, a sore throat, a very unattractive cough and have blown out and coughed up some of what I think has to be the nastiest shit on the planet. At the same time this is going on, I have to care for my two wild animals, AKA children. As if I didn't feel shitty enough I had these two going at it like they were battling it out in the UFC octagon just minus a little blood. They know just how to piss me off at the most inopportune times. But hey its all part of the experience right? I love those two little turds :)

To top all of that, I lost my drivers license which I addressed in a previous post and I had the joy of going to the DMV this morning. That my friends is a cesspool of disgusting right there. I woke up feeling like shit but I at least put forth some effort to make myself look presentable, did others? Fuck no! I don't understand how people can go out in public looking like they just climbed out of a damn dumpster. Its called a mirror people!! Just sayin... Also to add to that, please people please, take your midgets to the doctor if they are sick. Maybe buy an antibiotic or two, and if you insist on taking the poor little things out in public, WIPE THEIR DAMN NOSES!!!! They walk around smearing snot on anything that will sit still and we wonder why the Swine flu spread across the planet so fucking fast!

I also got another bonus today, I got the extra pleasure of going to the good ole Social Security office to get myself a new social security card because for some strange reason I fucked around for three years and didn't change my last name after I got hitched. Yeah I said it, three years. Don't judge me I know I'm an R-Tard. Again I sat for over 45 minutes in a germ infested room just applying the hand sanitizer and thinking to myself, shit I just started to feel a little better and look where the hell I'm sitting right now. Smart idea? I think not. And a little shout out to the chubby lady who took advantage of my stupidity and directed me to the wrong window so she could snag the number before me. My hat is off to you chubby lady. Well played ma'am, well played. I shall not be fooled by that type of trickery again. I should have known she was up to no good. She just looked sketchy to me.

And last but not least.
Fuck you traffic!!!!!!!!
I took my kids to Grapevine Mills Mall this evening to meet Keith Brooking who plays for the Dallas Cowboy's and get his autograph and I got stuck in the shittiest traffic jam ever. Not once, not twice, even three times. FOUR damn times!!! I hate Grapevine and I hate the Mid Cities. Why any semi-intelligent person would choose to live or work in this area is beyond me. It fucking sucks. You could drive through the mid cities at two o'clock in the damn morning and you can damn well bet that you are going to sit in fucking traffic for 45 minutes. And I'm not being dramatic, that's the damn truth.

Oh yeah I forgot one thing,
For all of you turds out there that got tickets to the playoff game at Cowboy's stadium tomorrow,
Fuck You!!!! I'm jealous and I don't mind saying so. God saving for a cruise sucks!!!!

Until next time.....

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Blogaholics anonymous anyone??

So as I it here in my livingroom typing away on my craptop I can't help but think, man there are so many things that I should be doing other than writing in this here blog. Do I want to do them? No I sure do not. Do I do them, no I do not. Ahh well theres always tomorrow hopefully. One thing that I am super excited about is all the new followers on blog. I just love it. I have also found alot of new blogs that keep me quite entertained. One I will mention is the Fairy Blog mother, it is hilarious! She reminds me of myself alot. Being that she is very opinionated and quite the little smartass but its greatness. I love to write and this blog gives me an outlet to do so and it feels liberating at times. I am a very opinionated person and pretty matter of fact when it comes to just about everything but that really is the only way that I know how to be. I can get me into trouble at times though. My husband gets on to me from time to time and thinks I have a foul mouth, but who cares right? Its my mouth. Have you ever heard that saying "If you dont have anything nice to say, just come sit by me" ? Yeah well that can be me in a nutshell at times but at least Im me. I am going to try something out for a while. Im going to call it "Fuck it Friday's". Its going to be my weekly post about all the shit that has irritated me all week so be looking for that. Until next time...........

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Holidays, Birthday's, Vacations oh my!

So Christmas is finally over and all the stress that goes right along with it. However my daughter turned three on Sunday and her party is this weekend, then after that my husbands birthday is January 11th. Also to add to that, we are going on a cruise February 20th so to say that the next month and a half will be busy is putting it lightly. There are so many things to do, so much money to do it and very little time to get all of it done. Man that's the story of my life. I am sick at the moment so that also deters me from wanting to do just about anything. After a crazy New Years Eve outing with my hubby and some friends, not to throw this off course but the New Years Eve outing will be explained in another post, now where was I? oh drivers license is now M.I.A. so that is another thing that I have to add to my long ass list of things to do. Go to the horribly nasty DMV, wait in excessively long line, pay to get another I.D. and have a horrible picture because I am infected with something that makes me feel like crap and look equal to that. Woo hoo sounds like a good time right? Wrong!! And I am fairly certain that as soon as I return home from getting said license, I will find my old one. So Ive got that to look forward to. Our Christmas was great this year, we had our whole family with us and it just felt nice. I love the holidays and this year was amazing. I was really sad to see it come and go so quickly. I really got into decorating for Christmas this year but the one little downside to that, putting up all the decorations. I have conquered everything but the tree. Yeah I know, biggest part of the job. So I need to do that but again, Im a wuss and feel like death so I just don't want to do it. Well thats about all I feel like writing at the moment. Until next time.........