How is a person supposed to think let alone create with the non stop banging!!!!!

  To explain my weird ass post title, I am having my roof replaced and the noise is about to drive me more crazy than I already am. My yard looks like a fucking tornado zipped through it and there's about one guy short of making a new Menudo group on my roof. Lord I will be glad when this is done today. I haven't posted on here since June and it seems like a year ago. I have been in a funk and feeling less than inspired to spew any of my normal bullshit so I decided to take a break from the blogging world. I finally decided to drag my ass to the computer and catch up on all the blogs I follow and make an attempt at completing a new post. So....here I am in all my boring, self wallowing, bitchy glory. Whoopedy doo.

  So my summer was extremely uneventful as if I thought it would not be. I spent my days refereeing my heathens, cleaning up after them and feeding their faces day in and day out. I never realized how much these damn kids can consume in a 24 hour period. Its absolutely astounding. I'm quite surprised that they aren't as big around as they are tall, very surprised. It was these past few months of being home 24/7 with the heathens that made it crystal clear as to why I got the surgery to ensure that I would not spew forth any more children from my girly bits. I have been depressed about it for over three years and it only took three short months to make me feel great about the decision to do it. Babies are so sweet but toddlers and elementary aged children are definitely not! Especially when they try to kill each other on a daily basis. Oh how I long for the times before they could walk and talk.

  As if the two small crazy people already living in our house weren't enough, we now we have a three month old Blue and Gold Macaw named Nico. He is learning to talk and is quite the little character. He hears me tell the kids no so often that he has picked that up as well. He can say six words already and I was informed that he can learn up to 300-400. I cant even begin to imagine what he is going to learn in this house. He is going to be a feathered cussing machine. He is very mischievous and gets into trouble on the reg. My husband has him so spoiled already. God hes such a little shit.

Now on to more boring topics. As I stated above I have been in a wicked nasty funk lately. I don't know why or where the fuck it came from. It just appeared and I do not like. I just have no motivation to do shit period. I mean I used to get up and fix my hair, put on something cute in attempts to look moderately hot which I achieved quite well. Now I'm just in a state of don't give a shit. My hair doesn't sway freely it stays in a pony tail and to be honest, I look a hot mess and it sucks ass. If I am aware of it I'm sure my husband is none too pleased as well. I mean I probably would be a little taken aback if he was to walk around everyday looking like a walking pile of shit. So I don't fault him for it.

I have decided that I am starting to feel suffocated sitting at home all the time. Normal people would just take a girls night out or something like that but I am at a point in my life where the number of girl friends that I have is almost non existent. I don't know about anyone else but I feel as if I am completely losing myself. I'm a wife and mom but there's no me anymore. Beyond taking heathen #1 to school and back, caring for heathen #2 all day, going to the grocery store, cooking and housework I have no life in regards to myself anymore and it finally hit me and it is absofuckinglutely sucky. The even shittier part about it is, theres not a damn thing I can do about it. On one hand I feel half empty because of it and on the other hand I feel like a selfish pos for thinking that my children aren't enough to keep me happy, fulfilled or however you might explain that. I love staying home with my kids but I also enjoy talking to people, socializing etc. I was born that way and know no different. It is in my make up and for me not to be able to express myself or have a little fun now and then is quite foreign to a person with my personality type. I can go a whole week without talking to a single person other than my husband, kids and father in law. Yeah its that bad. I now talk to the damn bird and surprisingly enough he talks back.

My only me joy, not mom or wife joy is after the kids go to bed and I get to watch whatever bullshit I have recorded on the DVR. Sounds pretty pathetic huh? Well it feels even more pathetic. And to make all things more shitty....The Cowboys have been losing! That also makes me a feel like a walking pile of shit. I hate when they disappoint me. I am super excited that the Rangers have been kicking the shit out of the Yankees though. That we all should be thankful for.

What a light and lovely post today huh?

Until next time :)

A months worth of shit

 So I just realized that I haven't posted in over a month! I don't have a super good reason as to why I haven't....just haven't. The past month has been filled with non stop kiddo chaos, marriage counseling, the countdown to the Eclipse premier, turning 30 and pure boredom to be quite honest. Sounds exciting huh? Not really. This past month has contained a very high level of suck but Ill tell you about it anyways because that's how I roll.

 So if you read this blog on the reg you know I'm a happy on the verge of being nuttier than a squirrel turd   stay at home mom of two. So far this summer my heathens have brought on a horrible bout of anxiety in me that to be quite honest, I could do without. My son is bored 24 hours a day and my three year old diva has multiple personalities. Yes I am convinced of this even without a professional diagnosis. I am also convinced that she is the loudest child on the planet. I am basically addicted to Extra Strength Excedrin as of late. My daughter has turned into Satan's spawn in a matter of weeks. Just the other day her brother didn't want to play with her and instead of just walking away she tells him " yeah well your irsitating me and you were born out of moms butt when she crapped so I don't want to play with you either turdhead!" Just when I think things couldn't get more ridiculous in my home, this fucking gem lands in my lap, you just cant make this kind of shit up. What three year old thinks of a dis like that? Now my son loves playing Call of Duty MW2 on the xbox with his friend and Ive gotta tell ya, I just cant get enough of hearing " hey I shot you right in the face and you didn't die? No freaking way dude!" Yeah you heard me right. I hear that quite often in my home during the day when he is allowed to play. It does give me a kind of warm and fuzzy feeling inside to know that my oldest child could fend off a swarm of zombies, gain skill points at most head shots or annihilate enemy troops at a moments notice. Hey, I know I'm not winning any mother of the year awards any time soon. So sue me, he plays some Call of Duty. I cant get mad at him though because I do too lol. My dh, friends and I wait until the kiddos go to sleep and play it together. My name on xbox live is, wait for it...........Twird. You know, Twilight Nerd :)And my motto is....I like to shoot boys! Hey I need some entertainment in my life right? I am also going to disown my younger brother due to Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. He kicks my ass every time we play and Ive gotta admit, I do not care for it a bit. Hes in one word....a Jackass. If any women on here are interested in him, Id appreciate getting him the hell out of my house.

 And to top all of that off we finished our last counseling session last Thursday and I really think we could benefit from about 100 more sessions minimum. I have just realized that men are bred and born to be complete assholes. Period! When the therapist tells him he was wrong about something or he shouldn't have done something he agrees with her but when I tell him the same thing......its Bullshit. Every time we have these little sessions I am at a very high level of pisstivity because it could have saved us a lot of time if he would just listen to me. Who would have thought that I might actually have something smart to say every now and then. You wouldn't know it by reading this blog but I consider myself slightly intelligent at times.

  Now on to some Twilight shit. I had been eagerly awaiting the opening of The Twilight Sagas next gem, Eclipse. And it came,I saw, and it was great! In my humble opinion it was the best so far. My 13 year old niece and I waited for a long time at the movie theatre to see the midnight viewing in the rain I will add and it was so freaking worth it. I am going to have myself put into a medically induced coma until Breaking Dawn comes out in 2011. I hope all of you don't miss me too much until then because I'm going to quickly get started on this. The James Dean like vampire, super hot and beefed up warewolf....OMG! I will admit that I feel like a female perv for thinking that Taylor Lautner is the hottest thing on two legs since hes only 18. A fucking cougar I tell ya but at least I wasn't the only one that gasped during the first shirtless scene in the movie. Every old ass woman in the place clapped. Such a double standard I tell ya and it kinda makes me feel shitty but oh well. If men were going nutso over a 18 year old girl in a movie, women everywhere would freak the fuck out. True Story!

  Now on to the last topic of the day. My shitty birthday. I turned the BIG 30! Yeppers I'm officially an old bitch now. Not happy about it either. My ma came over at the buttcrack of dawn and tastefully decorated my car and yard letting all my neighbors know how fucking old I am. Fanfuckingtastic I tell ya. I have since decided that I need to really get started on this getting my girlish figure back. Oh shit that will be for another post.


Until next time.......

Holy crap the day has come!!!

Ok so I know it has been ages since I have posted anything on here but today I had a little something to write about. Not too exciting but something none the less. Today my oldest heathen had his last day of school and is now embracing the "oh my god summer is really freaking here " emotions. Yeah he said freakin, so sue me. I hate to admit it but as he skipped his jolly ass to the car today after school let out I couldnt help but think.......oh shit!

As most of you who read my blog on the reg already know I am a stay at home mom of two. My eight year old son and three year old monkey, I mean daughter :) I also have the pleasure of watching another three year old during the day as well. Sounds like fun huh? No maam. I am literally on the brink of insanity every single day. So........ now due to the fact that summer is here I will be adding my oldest to the daily mix of things. Oh holy mother of Mary this is going to make for some interesting blog posts in the coming months as well as possibly finally pushing me over the edge. I will now be responsible for caring for seven breathing creatures during the day not including myself. Lets go through the line up here, My son, daughter, the two little boys I will be watching, our english bulldog puppy, my daughters kitten Cinderella and our goldfish Nemo. So basically I have become a zoo keeper minus the non stylish tan outfits.

Oh what a summer it shall be........

Being a mother

  I have not been posting near as often as I used to and it is a little upsetting since I get so much joy from it. However one thing that I get indescribable amounts of joy from is my children and last night as I was putting my three year old to bed it hit me like a ton of bricks, she has grown up so much and so fast that I didn't even realize it. It truly hit me that my children are growing up. My son is going to second grade next year and is HUGE and every time I try to remember him as a baby it seems as if the memories move farther and farther away from me. When I stop and think about my children and when they were born it shoots a paralyzing amount of pain through me because those are times I can never get back. Times that were absolutely the most dear to me that I wish I could relive them a billion times over. I never in my life imagined that loving someone could be so painful. Not painful in a bad way but a good pain. Like the feeling that your heart is so full it could burst. Yeah, that kind of pain.

 When I think about the memories that are most precious to me I think of the first time I saw an ultrasound picture of my babies and how excited I was to meet them and thinking how wonderful they were going to be and to feel them grow was such an amazing feeling. There has never been a moment in my life that has left a mark on my heart like the feeling I had when my husband handed me our babies for the first time or the first night at home with them by myself and just remembering looking at them for hours with the most permanent smile on my face or touching their baby soft skin or the smell, the smell of a newborn is forever etched in my brain. Hearing the first cries and the first outing to show them off to anyone that would look. And the horrible fear that pulsated through me every time they were sick or rushed to an emergency room. The frightening panic and anger that ran through me as I lashed out at the person who caused my child pain and a terrifying ambulance ride after an avoidable car crash just because he wanted to drive fast. The feeling of loss of control of the situation and not knowing if the most precious part of my life was going to be OK. And wanting to cause unspeakable amounts of pain to the person responsible if something had happened. At that moment you realize that your child is the most precious thing on this planet and you will happily do anything to protect them with every part of you. That is a mother. Being a mother is the most difficult and fulfilling job there is, Period! They test us, push us to our limits of insanity, wow us and fill our hearts with unmeasured amounts of love and joy.

 When I became a mother it made me realize why my mother would be in hysterics when I would arrive home late after curfew or didn't call when I was out. At the time I didn't understand what the big deal was but now....now I realize it was because the one thing that she was designed to protect was out of sight and nowhere to be found until I pranced my jolly ass in the front door and in shock as to why I would be in such trouble. She was never mad, just worried and what I mistook as anger was in one word....fear. Sorry mom, I understand now :)

 Mothers Day is almost here and it is a day that I really enjoy. Not just for myself but for my mother, grandmothers and every other mother out there. As I think about how fast the time is passing it makes me realize how precious time really is. How we only get such a small amount of it with these special little people and most of the time we take it for granted. Our daily struggles, stress, work, money and relationships always seem to find a way of pulling us away from what is truly the most important things that life has given us. Not the 9-5 jobs we hurry to everyday, the money that we fight over and all the other really non important things that have become so important to us all. I realized that every time I tell the kids I'm too busy to play or read a book or go to the park that I am wasting precious time. Time that I will NEVER get back and neither will my children. Things that are non important to us, mean the world to our children and always will. 

   I will never have to question why I was put on this earth because the moment I became a mom to my children I knew why I was here. To raise, love and cherish two of the most beautiful people ever created. They love us unconditionally with all of our faults no matter how big they are and all they want in return, is the same. For some reason I was picked to be the mom to two of the most amazing kids and going forward I make the choice not to waste any more time and I hope none of you do either. I hope all of you have a wonderful mothers day. I know I will :)

Until next time.......

Not a damn thing to say

Well here I am again with nothing interesting to post about. I have had a severe case of bloggers block and it has not subsided as of yet which really stinks because this is like my therapy. I had just about the most boring weekend ever and today isn't looking much brighter. I am however going to the grocery store today so Ive got that going for me.

The man and I start our couples therapy tomorrow and I must say that I am a tad bit nervous going into this. I have this fear that it is going to make things worse for some reason. I have heard of this. Couples going to therapy to fix things only to make things worse in return. Fucking great eh? I mean I guess its possible, you go there feeling comfortable enough to speak about things bothering you that you never had the courage to speak about or bring up before you know.....due to the fact that you are in a controlled environment....meaning no witnesses if either party decides to try beat or kill the other lol.....and BAM like a fucking freight train, more fights and resentment occur! Good lord this is going to suck it. I think I need a xanax.

Man today is looking like a cupcake kind of day...

Until next time........

A land far far away

The past few weeks I have been going bat shit crazy sitting at home. When I say crazy I really mean it. I have started having anxiety attacks again and I pretty much feel like dog shit. Its not just one thing that is getting me all wound up. Its a combination of things. For example..

My two heathens constant bickering

The mantard in my life

My best friends relationship problems that I hear about daily

My relationship problems that plague me daily

My best friend not dumping the douchebag in her life

My anxiety

And did I mention relationship problems???

I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous fucking breakdown at any minute. I think I need a prescription of Xanax or something comparable to ease some of my worries. I just want a drug that will put me in a state of don't give a shit. Because if I don't give a shit then all of these little things shouldn't bother me as much as they seem to do right now. Or at least that's my theory. Who the hell knows if it makes any damn sense or not. At this point, I wouldn't rule it out that my theory is oozing with bullshit. But it sounds good to me so whatever.

The man in my life and I have decided to seek out super smart people other than ourselves, meaning professionals...I.E. a couples therapist to tell us that we are both in fact absofuckinglutely crazy, insecure, not always right and on the verge of shitty single life if we don't get our shit together and fix things. And what makes it even more super fantastic is that we get to get raped and pay over 125 bucks per session. I think therapy is a racket to make money but I don't know enough about licensed therapists to discredit the fact that they work so I'm gonna go anyways. So Ive got all that going for me.

And I have decided that if none of these things work then I am running away to a land far far away.

A land that is free of men, unless they are gay that is.

A land that oozes with cupcakes.

Is completely sanitized.

Free of ranch dressing, sour cream, mayonnaise and Dr Pepper.

Where no restaurant puts ketchup on a burger. That just tastes of wrong.

Steak N Shakes on every major street.

Where all women dress like the Stepford Wives because damnit they always look so classy and well put together!

Where every hour is happy hour.

And if a man that is not gay and allowed inside our walls o greatness, he shall be clothed in only some sort of uniform. And with short hair only. This is a must and not debatable.

Where all zombie movies are made of great.

A place where Stone washed jeans are a thing of the past.

A place where it is acceptable to eat a meal solely consisting of chocolate or cheese. I love them both hard!

Where all children are completely house trained and beautifully behaved.

And where all models are of a natural healthy size and magazine cover models are never airbrushed.

Air brushing is false advertising. Real women don't look like skinny, smooth skinned sex robots. We just don't and never will.

If any of you want to join me just let me know and we can get this shit started.

Until next time.........

Fuck it Friday!!

I know, I know. It has been a long time since I have posted a Fuck it Friday but the past couple of months have went pretty smoothly and not too many people have pissed me off. Until this week :) I might curse during the course of this post, I might say some things that could be considered offensive. So....I apologize ahead of time. And if you are reading this and you are of the male species, I am not sorry and screw you. So here we go.

The main topic and reason for me saying fuck it today is.......a man! And not just men in general but one man. The man that I share wedding vows with. Yeah you jerkface! If you read this blog on the reg than you might remember a previous post regarding me and the hubs past "issues". Well everything is just lovely the majority of the time until we get into the smallest of stupid shit arguments and BAM! It resurfaces like the big fat elephant in the room bitch that she is. Which generally leads to a couple of days of the silent treatment coupled with alot a bit of attitude, from the mantard, as Britt says. This which I have reminded him numerous times does not fix things nor make it better. Does he listen? No he does not because according to the male species, we are wrong 100% of the time. He asks the same questions, gets the same answers, we argue, dont talk to each other and hmm somehow this is gonna fix things. I think fucking not.

I am pretty certain that couples deal with one of them making mistakes etc and get through it somehow. How this is done I just really dont know because my hubs and I are not doing it right. Havent been for a long time now. The evil bitch facespace is the main reason for our issue. Was it my fault? Yep it was. I talked to a mantard that I had been friends with since we were both 5 and in kindergarten and my hubs knew he was my friend on the myspace but didnt know I talked to him on there. I did not mention this to him which is completely my fault and I own that. When he found out, his head almost exploded. It was purely innocent but hubs doesnt beleive me so whats a girl to do. I deleted the myspace havent talked to my pal from school since. Has that helped? Nope. He doesnt trust me now, has a shit ton of resentment towards me and it has pushed us so far apart. It really blows.

I have apologized what seems like a million times. Deleted the evil bitch myspace. I dont go anywhere, do anything, talk to anybody. The only time I get on the craptop is to write in this here blog to try and keep my sanity. He still does not trust me. He questions every little thing that I say and do. He is critical, judgemental and it is starting to make me a little crazy and upset. This comes up every couple of months and hasnt gotten any better. I understand that he is upset with me, Im sure I would be mad at him too. But at some point dont you have to decide that you are either going to forgive someone and move on? Or not? I truly have no clue what to do at this point. So fuck it.

Until next time.........